You can’t undo what has been done. But you can pretend it didn’t happen. Welcome to Night Vale.

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There's a sandstorm in Night Vale today, which has made the roads really dangerous. The sanitation department is out there now pouring ice and sleet everywhere to try to prevent the sand from building up. We're expecting 4 to 6 inches of sand, along with wind gusts up to 25 miles per hour, so schools are closed, as are most workplaces. Though there's that dilapidated house near Larry Leroy, out on the edge of town, that still seems to be open, despite the treacherous conditions.

It's not even really a house so much as three and a half walls, barely supporting each other, and no roof. Still, there are lights on in the windows and people there. The people at the dilapidated house walk inside, and then different people walk out minutes later. I think it's an art gallery or an escape room or something. Anyway, that place is still open but everywhere else in town is closed, because of the sandstorm.

The roads are not safe, Night Vale, what with the high winds and the thick sand covering the streets and all our doppelgängers plodding through the dusty haze with murder flickering like bonfires in their eyes.

My husband Carlos, who is the bravest scientist who ever lived, closed his lab today. Even I, the most intrepid radio journalist alive, am having to do my show from home. Though I did ask my producer, Elise, to go up to the station so that she could patch my ISDN line through to the radio tower. Thanks, Elise.

[Elise squawking in his ear]

[a little perturbed] Well… We'll discuss a raise at your next performance review Elise.

But for now, I hope everyone, other than Elise and the people milling about the dilapidated house are staying safe inside, conducting their work over Zoom or Slack or Hinge or whatever the big tech sites are these days.

Personally, I find a work-from-home day kind of nice, because I get to see my family. Carlos right now is teaching our son Esteban about plants. They're growing an avocado plant from a seed on the windowsill. Carlos is explaining how plant life grows from seeds, in fact how all life is a miracle of science, that each of us grows from tiny cells into a full person.

Esteban looks pretty incredulous. It's very cute when he's trying to understand something new. He frowns and furrows his brow and you can see his eyes narrow. He's quite the determined little guy.

Well, I'm here to report the news, not describe how adorable my boy is. Let's have a look at the community calendar.

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Wednesday night is the Winter Recital at Elegant Sally's Kitchen Supply Store and Dance Studio (the Downtown location). There will be performances by all of her classes, from the 5-year-old Creative Movement kids, all the way up to the teenagers who are in advanced ballet. They'll be performing pieces from master choreographers Martha Graham, Alvin Ailey, José Limón, and Renata Bliss. The winning teams at Wednesday night's recital will be promoted to the professional Night Vale Ballet Theatre. The losing teams will be relegated to Swank Jim's Choreography Warehouse and Kitchen Utensil Outlet (the one by the airport).

Thursday afternoon is a Career Fair over at the Rec Center. Professionals from dozens of fields will be on hand to meet those seeking work or looking into new careers. There will be seminars on hot topics in business right now, like: "How to Brace Yourself for Layoffs" and "Human Resources Are Your Besties. Girl, You Can Tell Us Anything."

Of course, dozens of companies will have booths, where candidates can talk to those representatives and even hand in a resume that will be carefully ignored and then shredded and used as bedding for the CEO's guinea pig breeding tank, the ones he raises to feed his pet boa constrictor. No jobs will be offered at the Career Fair.

Friday night is Karaoke Night at the Post Office. George Dunham, Night Vale’s postmaster, said he thought it was a waste to close the post office every day at 4pm. So why not have a daytime business and a night time business at the same location? You see it all the time with those dance studio and kitchen supply store combos, he said.

Dunham added the Post Office doesn't have a license to sell alcohol, so it's BYOB. They also don't have a karaoke machine, but he's pretty good at guitar, and he knows all the popular songs, like that famous one by Jason Isbell, and a couple of other Jason Isbell numbers, specifically the slower Jason Isbell songs that mostly use open chords. So come on down to the post office this Friday Night.

Saturday afternoon, the Night Vale Cinemaplex will be showing Oscar Nominated Short Films. Of course you'll see all the animated, live action, and documentary shorts from 2025's slate, but also some classics from yesteryear like "Bimdob the Kleptomaniac Dragon" from Finland, a ground-breaking doc called "Beneath the Village Green: The Left-Handed Astrology Cults of Midland-Odessa," and maybe my favorite live-action short of all time: "Beyond here… Nothing. And Maybe Not Even That." It's about two young people who set out to prove the earth is flat by walking to its edge, but along the way they fall for each other, and it is through the power of love that they come to understand that the world is, in fact, round. That all things are round. Everything is a sphere. The earth, marbles, love, waffles, cats, filet mignon, potato chips. They get married and have a baby, who is a perfect sphere, and they live alone in a house that looks like a volleyball and raise chickens that also look like volleyballs. It's very romantic.

Finally, this Sunday is the day that the prophecy mentioned. This is according to a press release sent to me by Harrison Kip, and I can't tell if he's announcing it as adjunct archeology professor at Night Vale Community College or if it's got something to do with that religion of his. Sounds like the latter. Either way, he just says… here I'll read you the whole thing, and you can make up your own mind what he's getting at.

"This Sunday is the day our Great Prophecy has long predicted. Observe Sunday, devotees and derelicts alike, for it shall be as has been foretold." I mean, that could be anything right? End of the world? An eclipse? A sale at the Toyota Dealership. Come on Harrison, help us out here. I dunno, maybe I should give his show, The Twilight Gospel Hour, a listen someday, but when you work in radio, it’s like, listening to the radio just feels like you’re still at work.

This has been the Community Calendar.

###

I'm getting an update from the sanitation department that the ice they've been pouring over the roads doesn't actually melt the sand. They got it backwards, so there's a mudslide on Route 800 on the southbound slope to Exit 4.

The wind has really picked up outside, so mudslide or not, Night Vale, I'd stay indoors for the next several hours. Also, as is usual for a sandstorm, I can see everyone's doubles out there on the hunt for flesh. Thin black shadows shambling through the dust clouds. In fact, I can see the faint outline of two men and a little boy standing just on the edge of our lawn staring at our house. I cannot make out faces, but I think I already know what they look like.

Speaking of doubles, I heard from Dana Cardinal, our former mayor and current amateur detective. She's found some new details into the murders of the angel formerly known as Marcus Vanston, as well as the stabbing death of Jalen Rutherford at the radio station, as he was trying to apply for an internship.

Dana said she looked up Rutherford's LinkedIn account – which I think is a dating app? Like I said, I don't know all these tech sites. But not only was Jalen a business student at Night Vale Community College, but his previous employment was part-time bookkeeping for Marcus Vanston, the angel.

So we have a connection between the two murder victims. Plus, we know that days before his death, Marcus Vanston wrote up a will which left everything in his estate, worth billions, to the Community College.

Interesting discovery from Dana! It makes me wonder: was Jalen Rutherford in some kind of cahoots with Marcus Vanston that rubbed someone the wrong way. And what cahoots would make that someone want to kill twice? And how is Night Vale Community College involved? Surely they wouldn't want them dead, unless they were trying to speed up that whole estate transfer thing. Oh yeah! Maybe they killed Jalen to keep him quiet. They thought if he were to work at the radio station, he might blab to a trained journalist who would have broken this huge story and then won a Pulitzer. Oh a Pulitzer would have been really cool.

This is all conjecture though. We still don’t know how an entire Community College could get in and out of Vanston’s locked library. Or how they could have killed him

[Elise muttering in Cecil's ear]

What's that Elise?

[Elise again]

Oh, that's just your double at the door. It's a sandstorm, Elise. What did you expect, for her to bring you cookies? Of course she's threatening you with a shovel and howling.

[Elise again]

[annoyed] Elise, just lock the door. Definitely don't let her in. She'll disappear when the sandstorm lets up.

More on the murder investigation soon, but let's go now to the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner.

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Today in the Children's Fun Fact Science Corner, we're discussing how life is created. I'm actually learning all of this for the first time myself, as Carlos is trying to explain to our 9-year old son that you can't grow an avocado plant in a day. Life is a slow process. It needs a seed, fertilization, water, sunlight, warmth, and nutrients.

Each day the tiny seed grows a bit more, changes imperceptibly. It sprouts roots and limbs, or in the case of a boy, it grows taller and stronger. You can't see the change, but it's happening, millions of cells dividing every day.

Science only seems like magic, but it's actually an observable miracle, Carlos is saying to Esteban, but Esteban is just shaking his head no. Maybe he needs a nap. He looks grumpy.

Esteban has picked up the Avocado seed, held half in the cup of water by toothpicks. He's pulling out the tooth picks and cradling the seed to his chest. He's whispering something to it. Now he's placing it on the floor and pressing it down into the carpet. It seems to be sinking, as if the rug were soft, unpacked loam.

Esteban is turning his body East, lifting his hands high and uttering an incantation for the gods of nature. A small vine is emerging from the floor. It's growing thick with leaves and bulbs. Ope! That’s now a full-grown avocado plant.

Esteban looks so proud of himself. He's really into this witchcraft thing.

Carlos looks dejected. [off mic to Carlos] Oh, honey! I’m sure it's just a phase. He'll learn to love science. Just like I did! [beat] You're cute when you smile, you know. [beat] THERE you go! Mwah!

[back to radio audience]

Well, this has been the Children's Fun Fact… Wizardry Corner? Sure.

###

And now let's have a look at Financial News.

[Elise sounding urgent]

What's that Elise? You let her in the building? No! Your double wants to kill you, Elise! Go get a knife from the break room and end her before she ends you!

[Elise again]

Oh. Not a she? A he?

[Elise]

Oh goodness. That IS quite the strange turn. Let's talk off air while I give an update on the -

[off mic to Carlos] Carlos?! What's happening out there?

[to listener] Oh god. Listeners, the avocado plant has grown to the ceiling and is rapidly twisting itself around the living room. I need to go save Carlos and find Esteban. Elise, take them to the weather.

[Elise says "and now, the weather”]

### WEATHER ###

Okay, that was close! So thankfully I was recording this show from my study, where I keep all my books, including Plantopedia: The Definitive Guide to Houseplants by Lauren Camilleri and Sophia Kaplan. It's the collector's edition which comes with a small electric chainsaw.

I managed to cut Carlos free from the branches which had wrapped around his throat and chest. Then we found Esteban in the corner crying, because he knew he was in trouble for doing unapproved magic. We explained to him, sternly, that people can get hurt if you're not careful. This is true for magic, for science, even for journalism.

All of us have to be very careful with the choices we make. We cannot act solely out of anger or frustration or fear. Every action must have intention.

Esteban wouldn't look at us. He knew all of this. This is why he was crying. He was embarrassed and scared. Which made us feel terrible. There is a constant, horrible balance as a parent between wanting to teach your child consequences, not raise them to be entitled, set them up to understand that their choices can hurt others. And on the other hand, your deep drive to protect them, to keep them from any harm, to save them from negative emotions. It is an impossible equation and a parent is asked to solve it every day.

We sent him to his room and told him to take a nap. He's not in trouble, but we wanted to talk to him at dinner and before watching any videos.

Carlos is cutting up what's left of the giant plant. It's going to take more than a day to clean all this up. But the avocados it grew are the size of affenpinschers, so I guess we'll have guacamole for the whole neighborhood.

Oh! And I talked to Elise who said that the person outside the radio station was Jalen Rutherford's double. He was waving a shovel because he was planning to kill his double, but was actually kind of relieved to find that his double was already dead - murdered months ago by a still-unknown assailant.

Elise asked Jalen’s double where he comes from and where he goes when the sandstorm ends. He says he doesn't know the answer to either. He just is. And then he is not. But while he is here, he simply knows he is his other self. And that he must find that other to destroy, and hopefully replace, them.

Elise said, well, your resume's pretty good, Jalen, if you have the same skills as your double. Would you still like to intern here? Assuming you don't disappear when the sandstorm dies down? She added.

And Jalen said yes, he would love to intern for the radio station. It’s his dream to replace his double. The two of them had tea. They made small talk and watched the dust clouds swirl past the windows, down the streets and out into the sandwastes. As the blue of the sky lazily but fully reemerged, Jalen's double touched his own hands, then his own chest, then his own face. He finally reached out to Elise and she took his palm in hers. A firm, reassuring handshake. An agreement that he still exists. That he had a job. That he had a body. That he was Jalen Rutherford.

So I guess we have an intern now. I'm excited to meet him. Last time I saw Jalen, he was face down in his own blood in our lobby, so it'll be weird to see him all normal like. I bet Dana will be excited to hear about this. She killed her double way back when she was my intern. She and Jalen will have so many fun stories to share.

Oh, and I should note: the sandstorm has passed, so has the work day. Stay on that Zoom call, if you want, but now it’s a fun Zoom call. Maybe you want to finish managing your digital infrastructure business solutions in… Letterboxd? Again, who can keep up with all the apps.

All I'm saying is you're welcome to keep working if you think you have to, but I'd urge you to get outside, sweep your lawn, steal the last bit of sunshine, and then make dinner with your husband, with your son. Maybe a dessert. Maybe play a game. Maybe you can still catch the latest episode of "Antler Cove" after the kid goes to bed. Remember that work can visit your home, but it's not welcome to stay the night.

Stay tuned next for the sound of a tired scientist digging through the cabinets for that danged Molcajete we got as a wedding present but have never actually used.

As always, good night, Night Vale. Good night.

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PROVERB: Money doesn't grow on trees? Not with that attitude, it won't.